I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
