I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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