Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
