I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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