I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
