At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
