I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
