Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
