I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
