This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
