Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
