Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
