Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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