Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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