We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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