i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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