pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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