the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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