you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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