Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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