Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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