4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
