There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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