Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
