i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
