why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
