I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
