Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
