I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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