I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Houston, we have a squirter
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
