I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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