Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
