she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
