You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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