I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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