My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
