apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
