we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
