Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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