I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
