Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
