I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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