talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
