i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
