So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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