He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
do nipples grow back?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
