the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
