apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
