The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
