This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
