They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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