walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
