Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
