who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
