You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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