no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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