I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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