oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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